Where is My Focus Directed?

I came to a very interesting realization during the past week: I am finally content with my body. I don’t feel like a bloated, overgrown, tomato-shaped, nasty, tired, worn-out individual any more. I am proud of the clothes that I can fit into and am happy that simply being doesn’t make me tired any more. Trust me, all of these feelings were ones that propelled me into the nightmare that was my dieting life. And eventually had me find my way to Paleo. I feel like I can do and be now.

This is a big thing, especially with all of the stress that I have encountered over the past month. But it also made me realize that I needed to reassess my goals. See, my primary goal when I started doing Paleo was weight loss. I have accomplished that goal to the point where I am satisfied. But I don’t feel fulfilled yet. I have things that I have always wanted to do that I am still not able to do, even with my amazing weight loss. I want to do kickboxing and MMA style fighting (yes, I have a secret desire to be Jason Bourne). I want to be able to do a hand stand like all of the CrossFitters that I am absolutely jealous of, especially since my CrossFitting wipeout back in February. I want to be able to do CrossFit regularly with a passion that exceeds even my understanding.

So I think that I need a change in focus. Weight loss is all well and good, but I’m not even weighing myself any more – it is hard to keep that focus now since I stopped doing that. But stopping the constant weighing was one of the best things that I have ever done for myself in this journey. It is definitely time for a different focus.

I guess with all of the fitness-related desires that I have, the next step would be to focus on fitness. There are so many contradictory stories about fitness and what fitness is, but luckily, I have a place to start. I have been singing praises of EP LifeFit since I joined, but I haven’t really done much with it. I think that spending time on the forum of the website has actually hurt me rather than helped. I am the type of person that doesn’t need five people giving me their personal opinions about everything that I have been trying to do. While it has bee helpful in some cases, it has also been a hindrance because I have posted something that has been working for me and when I do, I have five people coming around to tell me that I am doing it wrong. HELLO? One of the aspects that I have always liked about Paleo is the fact that everyone does it differently – they do it how it suits them and they do what works for them, and if it doesn’t work for you then don’t do it. So it really sucks to be posting about what I am doing and what has been working, only to be shut down and told that I am not supposed to be doing that.

Take coconut shakes, for example. I have LOVED my coconut shakes. Strawberry and almond butter was my favorite. I posted on the forum about my love of my coconut shakes and one of the girls posted that we aren’t supposed to be drinking coconut shakes because they can spike insulin levels and will make it harder to lose weight. So guess what…I stopped drinking the shakes, and I stopped posting on the forum. That was a buzz kill for me. And I miss my shakes. They were my sweet treat! I needed a sweet treat every now and then! Even my coworkers commented on my shakes because they know that I can’t have sugar – they said that I finally found something to calm my sweet tooth (not that I really have one any more). But I don’t have to give up my shakes! I am happy with how I have been doing things – I have found things that work! Why am I listening to someone who does not know my journey and does not have the same goals as me, even though they may be trying to help? I know what works for me and what my body needs, and I know where my focus is.

At least, now I know where my focus is.

I need to stay off the forum. It has become detrimental to my personal journey. I need to focus on that journey and focus on the beginner workouts that EP LifeFit has posted, because starting those workouts is what is going to help me get in the shape that I need to be in to be able to accomplish my fitness goals. And those goals are going to be the focus of the next leg of my Paleo journey, because the journey isn’t over. I have just made a new commitment to clean my diet back up after the move so that I will have the energy to tackle my new fitness goal. My energy levels have been in the tank for the past month, what with all of the stress and everything here lately. But by giving myself direction, I am hoping to alleviate some of that stress and be better able to focus on what I want to do with myself, as well as getting my energy levels back up.

I love this journey. And I love being able to come on here and rant and rave about it, and have my five loyal readers like what I have ranted and raved about. You guys inspire me to keep going and keep pushing, because I know that I am not alone. Thank you for your support!

My Rough Week

Well, as I started typing this post, I wasn’t sure what the title should be. But then I realized that all I am going to type about is how much this past week sucked. For starters, the Crossfit gym that I was going to changed their schedule starting at the beginning of the week, and the new schedule made it impossible for me to attend regular classes. So I am stuck going back to my old gym. Don’t worry, though – I am still working on my squats because I feel that it is important to be able to do those right. I keep thinking about it and I think that my doing them wrong has nothing to do with how long I have been sitting on my butt. I really think that I have been doing them wrong my entire life.

So I was bummed about the Crossfit thing. Still am. Any time that my fiance and I look into any type of activity like that, it never works with my schedule. I guess that means that I have a really crappy schedule. And it also means that it is back to my old gym for me. My workout partner said that she’ll finally be able to go with me. I may throw some burpees in for good measure.

I had mentioned that I started feeling sick after my very first Crossfit workout, and I fought it all last week, but by this past Thursday I felt like I was about to die. I went to the doctor and found out that I had a sinus infection. I’ve got antibiotics now and this morning I was actually able to smell stuff for the first time in over a week. I’m not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing, but I do know that the meatloaf that I made for dinner sure smelled good.

I was going to post about my wild weekend last weekend, but the week was so rough that I never did. I spent almost the entire day last Sunday shopping – most of it was for groceries. It really was entirely unintentional because I had a plan and knew what I needed, but there were two items that the stores close to me just didn’t have. So rather than change my plan, I drove all the way across town to another store to get my stuff. Remember, I was sick. I get really stubborn and bitchy when I’m sick, so no one was even suggesting that we change the plan, lest they get their heads bitten off. I did get everything that I needed, though, and I made my pork chili again, and some chicken soup that I thought was going to be awesome but turned out kind of tasteless. Either that or it was the fact that I couldn’t taste anything since I was all stopped up. Not a good week for experimenting with new recipes, anyway.

It is incredibly hard to stay Paleo when I am sick. I did it, but I craved all kinds of stuff. If you’re like me, all you want when you are sick is some kind of comfort food, and by comfort food I mean CARBS. You know, the stuff that will increase the level of endorphins in your body so that you will feel happy and warm and loved and can forget for a moment that your head is about to explode from all of the crap in your sinuses. Whenever I did low carb diets before, I always fell off the wagon when I got sick. Now I see why, because this diet has been the easiest change of my life, but I still craved all kinds of stuff that I couldn’t have when I got sick. It is probably a good thing that I haven’t gotten sick very much since I started doing Paleo, and it is also probably a good thing that I’m not going to be doing Crossfit, since I think that had a lot to do with why I got sick in the first place. I hate that. I hate not being able to do the cool, intense workout stuff. But whatever.

I’ll be back at Crossfit. You just wait and see.

On a more positive note, I lost a couple more pounds, bringing me to a total of 40 pounds lost. I am very happy about that!

 

Crossfit Workout #2

I am actually sitting in the parking lot outside of the Crossfit gym as I type this, waiting for my third class to start. I figured that I could pass the time by posting about my second class.

First of all – OMG I am so tired! I am so tired that I called the coach while I was on my lunch break to see what I needed to do to cancel, but talking to him actually made me feel better so here I am: sitting in the parking lot. I know that I wouldn’t be nearly this tired if I weren’t in such bad shape, and knowing that is actually pretty good motivation for me to continue on.

The workout on Wednesday was not quite the same as the one on Monday. The same key points were hit, but we played around with different equipment and the WOD was different. It was more fun, too, because it wasn’t my first time there so I didn’t feel completely out of my element. Mostly, but not completely. It also made me look forward to what they are going to do tonight, because I know that they aren’t going to do the same thing.

I do still feel like I am getting a cold, and the feeling is worse than it was before. Yet another reason, maybe, to not go in those doors tonight, but this is my last foundation class and then I can spend the whole weekend sleeping if I want to. So I am going to tough it out and get through it and then next week I will be taking level 1 classes, which is exciting.

I actually dreamed about bread last night for the first time since I posted about dreaming about bread. This Crossfit stuff is definitely affecting me in weird ways. It was good bread, too – that warm Italian bread like they serve at Carrabba’s, but it was made into a sandwich. I guess that since I’m tired from working out, my body feels the need to throw a sugar tantrum.

Crossfit Workout #1

So last night was my first Crossfit workout, and I have to say that….

I’M NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO WALK TOMORROW!!!

I am actually surprised that I could walk today. I have NEVER done as many squats at one time as I did in my life. And I know that tomorrow night I am going to have to go back and do it again…

I started feeling like I was getting a cold as SOON as I left the gym, which was aggravating to me because it is the same problem I was having with Power 90. I haven’t felt sick since I started this diet, so feeling like I am getting a cold is not fun! But I looked it up on the internet, and so far as I can tell, I may just need sleep and food. The symptoms I am experiencing now are very mild, so hopefully I will be okay by tomorrow.

My New Journey

I am so proud of myself right now. I actually took the plunge and called one of the coaches at Crossfit. I had a great conversation with him, and he told me that he usually allows people to take the first three foundation classes for free. Well, since I am absolutely obsessed with starting Crossfit right now, and I feel like I would majorly regret it if I didn’t at least give it a shot, I went online last night and registered for the three foundation classes.

Once I actually registered for the classes, I became almost giddy with anticipation and nervousness. That feeling has carried over to today, as I experience butterflies in the pit of my stomach every time I think about going to my first class TOMORROW. But between the butterflies I realized that I really need to define my reasons for doing this. Obsession for the sake of obsession is simply ridiculous, and will probably not get me very far as far as motivation goes.

So I started at the beginning. The Paleo diet has dramatically and completely changed my view on eating, health, and nutrition for the better. I have had no desire to cheat since I started this diet because I know how I will feel if I do. The benefits in energy and a feeling of overall health are so substantial that I don’t ever want to go back to the way I ate before.

So my question has become: how can I transfer these benefits to my fitness? I have seen the benefits that my weight lifting has had, but I have gotten out of the habit of going to the gym. Just the other day I wrote about how I didn’t want to go to the gym because of all of the people that were there. I have recently felt that I am at a crossroads when it comes to my fitness and fitness goals, and one of the reasons why is that I recently used the phrase “I’m going to make myself go to the gym.”

I don’t ever feel like I have to make myself eat this way. I just naturally want to.

I remember when I did sports as a kid. I loved softball, and I loved hitting balls back and forth on the tennis court when I was in high school. I was proud of my skills, and I have such a competitive streak that I constantly want to improve. I tried to recapture that when I became an adult. I played in practice sessions with a men’s softball team about ten years ago and that was really fun, but it didn’t last long. Since then, I haven’t had many opportunities to do anything competitively like that since, mostly because I haven’t felt like I am in shape to do anything like that.

What I have learned through my obsessive research into Crossfit is that it is highly competitive and focuses on many different skill areas. Focus seems to be on personal improvement, as well as competition between members. While this is true to an extent through the workouts that I was doing at the gym, there will be an entire community at Crossfit that is dedicated to the program, as well as to eating Paleo. The coach told me that right now they have a Whole 30 competition going on, too.

With three free classes, I will be able to find out of Crossfit is everything that I think it will be, and I will be able to tell if it is right for me. I will be posting about my experience soon, I’m sure.